Wednesday, July 9, 2008

God is good!

I want to tell you all about my sweet little Carol. She is turning thirteen tomorrow and is one of the most remarkable girls I have ever come in contact with. She is a very happy but very sick little girl. She is slowly dying of AIDS and it kills me to see her suffer. She is my roommate at the farm and I am so blessed to have her near me.

The other night she and I were talking. She was telling me about how she was so sick before she came to MWB. She was telling me about how her father thought that she had died and her grandma rushed her to the hospital and she received two injections and then she came back to life. She told me about how her father kept saying that his daughter had died even though she was still alive. Her father had "refused" her because she was so sick. She sang me the song that her mother used to sing her when she was so sick. It is beautiful. I have it on video for you all to see.

Then when the conversation was ending she said to me, "Sometimes I am sitting and I think God is good, but then I wonder why I can't see out of my eye. I want to be able to finish school." She has lost sight in one of her eyes and is starting to lose sight in her other eye as well. She knows God is good but she wonders why she can't see. Well Ms. Carol Zulu you are what we call a remarkable woman. As I went to sleep that night I felt that I was truly in the presence of a spiritual giant. I am living in a home with many spiritual giants. I am humbled by the capacity of endurance these souls have. I am humbled by their ability to cope with whatever circumstances they are in. I am humbled by their resilience. I am humbled by their constant happiness and joy. They KNOW adversity and trials at a greater level than I will ever experience but they somehow come off as conquerors. They rise above it. They truly are spiritual giants and I feel very blessed to be in the presence of such amazing children.

Yes, Carol, God is good. I don't know why you can't see out of your eye or why your life has to be shortened because of another's agency... but I know He loves you and He's in charge and He wants you to find joy. Thank you for your wonderful example.

12 comments:

Heidi said...

Thanks for sharing again even if you weren't in the mood. We need the insights that you are gaining to help us to keep our life here in perspective.

One thing I have learned in life is how true it is that trials can make us stronger. This is where God's goodness comes into play. We live in a world where we will come experience difficult things-some much more then others. God let's us choose what we will do with it, and then if we choose to accept the help He wants to give us, He blesses us in ways that make up for the trial.

So yes, God is good. Your friends in Africa are living proof of this. How else could they continue to laugh and smile day after day. I can't believe I get to meet them so soon and feel of their strength!

Stephanie said...

I read all these books with amazing stories, and here I bet each and every one of those kids has such a story to tell. And I wonder if they ever get to share it. You are so wonderful to go there and listen to them and love them. What more does anyone need? Thanks for the new post.

Tami said...

Hey Heather, Heidi just hooked me up with your blog. It is so fun to read all of your adventures. Give those sweet kids a hug for me.
Love you, Tami

Brenna said...

Heather,

God lets each one of us go through exactly what we need to be able to make it back to him. I know that God is good, even though I have experienced sad and horrible things. I know that I have been allowed to experience those things for a reason. Sometimes I think I even get a little hint at what that reason is.

What I do know, is that we are to find joy in whatever circumstances we are given. I am humbled by Carol's ability to do so. You let her know that she is touching many lives here in the U.S., and that her loss of sight in one eye, has helped give vision and purpose to so many.

Love you,
Bren

Stacie Raddatz said...

God's ways are not our ways and He knows the end from the beginning while we see just a short part of the now. Even during difficult times he promises us wisdom instead of confusion and peace that passes all understanding and we can have joy. He will never forsake us. I discovered There is Sunshine in My Soul at the lowest time in my life and would sing it to myself. The last verse, my favorite: There is gladness in my soul today, And hope and praise and love, For blessings which He gives me now, For joys “laid up” above....

Raddad said...

I am going to break a rule. I am going to say again what someone else has already said better. Thanks Stacie. God's ways are not our ways, nor are his thoughts, our thoughts. We try to make sense of things that happen to us and others in this life but it is impossible because we just can't look at these experiences as God does. We just can't. The test is to keep our faith in Him no matter what may come. All that is asked of Carol is that she continue to have faith that God is good. Someone said once that we will need to feel comfortable in the presence of those who have gone before and made such incredible sacrifices, when we meet them beyond the veil. Each of us, should be pass the tests given us in this life, will be able to stand with anyone else who ever lived on this earth, Jesus the only exception, and know we have had just as difficult a test as any other. You and I and Carol must never give into the temptation of giving ourselves over to losing faith in God. He is good, but not always in ways that we can even begin to understand. Maybe it is better to know that sometimes what God allows to happen doesn't need to appear good, just necessary for our exaltation. Love you and really wish I was there with you.

aunt dorothy said...

As I sat and read your last entry, I just sobbed, and I can't believe I forgot this...but during your Mother's stay in the hospital just prior to her death, she was so worried about the "children" - and it wasn't YOU children she was talking about - oh! how I wish I could remember verbatim what she said - but I know she kept wanting some general - maybe it was Colon Powell (?) to go to the children - and help them. I just cannot remember her exact words - she was a little 'in and out' of conciousness. When she was finally coherent again, I asked her about the 'children' she was so worried about - and I want to say it was the children in Africa - Please ask your dad about this - we talked about it back then - maybe his memory is better than mine - It's been a long time - but I remember Ardie and I laughed about it afterwards, wondering why she was so worried about these children - maybe a vision of these wonderful things to come - of her sweet Heather, loving these children and caring for them like her own.
You are wonderful. I love you. Your mother loves you....You are much like her....
aunt dorothy

Raddad said...

Aunt Dorothy was always a bit of a story teller and I always loved her for it. When Stephanie called this evening and asked me if I remembered this incident, I told her no, not even a part of it. She mentioned the part about Collin Powell and the children and Africa. Of course, I have thought about this all evening and yes, I do remember her talking about this. We got used to your mom drifting in and out, mostly out, after her foolish operation, and up until the time of her death, so we didn't give this or any of her other meanderings much thought. The only one I was sure was real was the fog at the top of the bedroom she died in and the people she saw. When she would become coherent I would ask her about it and she would call me silly. I know this blog isn't about your mom, it's about you, Heather, but there is something I want you to know that I am absolutely certain of. I have watched you fight and fight and fight and I have worried very much every time you have come up against what seemed to me to be a hurdle that could not be overcome. I have watched as great blessings have come into your life and the lives of your sisters and brothers and I have been amazed. I am certain that you would not have passed that test, gotten the job at the high school, or Steph the opportunities to perform, or Heidi the lead in Music Man, or many other things, except for the help of your mother. I am absolutely certain. She watches over you like she never could have here on earth. Yes, we should thank the Lord, always for all that we are given, good or not-so-good, here on earth, but if anyone could have his ear, your mom would be one of them. Did she see your days with the children of Africa. I don't think so but in some way she saw that they would be a part of our lives. I have never seen her or talked to her or have any reason to believe she does these things, but I am certain she does.

Stacie Raddatz said...

check this out, Hed:
http://mamalutz.wordpress.com/

Lots of people are being directed to read about your experiences.

brenda said...

Wow, awesome comments. You're lifting so many people to a spiritual plane with your blog. I just wanted to chime in that I hear your voice when I read your writing. You're quite a woman, Miss Heather.

kari said...

God is good....and so are you. Thanks again for making me feel the Spirit today and (also) for crying. :)

Julie said...

Heather, I'm so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful little girl! What a great blessing to have had her touch your life.